Dear Friends,

There is now a chick in my life, and she is very controlling and unyielding. The occasion has arisen where I am to wear black slacks, (Google Holiday party, cocktail attire, or black tie, I’m opting for cocktail) and so she is appropriately insisting that I wear black dress shoes. To save me the time and expense (both monetarily and mentally) of shoe shopping, and adding a pair of black dress shoes to my minor “professional dress” wardrobe– only to have them sit in my closet and gather dust and be moved around when I do– does anyone have a pair that I could borrow for the night of Friday, Dec. 1st, to appease this unruly woman? I will return them in fine condition very soon after, and can even offer to take you to lunch in the shadow a life-size dinosaur in return for your generosity and understanding. I am a size 10 or 10 ½. I call you Friend, and so I look to you in desperate situations, perhaps the black dress shoes you own is due to a similar occasion where you were unable to find a pair to borrow, and ended up making the purchase? Please tell me you have the proper answer to my situation?

Your brown-shoed friend,

Gabriel Francis the Great